Are You Crazy?

by Shih Shen Lung

Today I wish to discuss the step of Right Livelihood and its relation to today's world. This step is foremost in my thoughts because of a recent discussion I had with a young nun who is a disciple of mine. When I first met this young woman I was struck by the knowledge that she was already a nun but, not yet being in tune with her previous lives, she was unaware of this fact. Yet, even in situations that would normally make a person tend to cling to worldly views and worldly living, she had in her heart renounced these matters and needed only a few brief questions to awaken to her purpose in this present life. Therefore, in my opinion, giving her the Vows of the Order was not even a formality but merely a reenactment in this life of what had already taken place in many previous existences. She was born into this world as a nun but because of the ignorance that surrounds re-birth she was unaware of this until she was mature enough to begin again to devote herself to fulfilling the Bodhisattva Vow. In this belief I am quite certain. Yet this same woman asked me if she were crazy to leave the world and put on the robes of the Order. This is due to her living in a country where "progress" is now the first order of the day and selfish persons have become "heroes" to the minds of the deluded people. Even though this place was once a land of great spirituality, today those who decide to follow the path of religious cultivation are looked upon as being fools.

How sad this is. . . . Yet this is not really different from how things were in the days of Shakyamuni. Did he himself not have to sneak out of his father's palace in the dead of night in order to pursue the religious life? Did his father not send many soldiers and people of the court to persuade him to "stop being crazy and to return to his position as a Prince"? The ancient records show that the King even went so far as to have a group of soldiers follow Shakyamuni for the first several years of his search. How difficult it must have been to be trying to put the worldly life behind you when you had only to look over your shoulder to see a small army of retainers ready to re-wrap you in silks and gems. What must it have been like to look into his begging bowl and see food that was barely fit for cattle and to smell on the breezes the odors of the traveling kitchens of his father's house where excellent meals were always ready if he turned away from religious cultivation and returned to the family and its worldly life. Yes, we can easily see that the Buddha not only must have been crazy by worldly standards but also was a man of rare courage determined to avoid the traps and snares that were always at his feet. Yet, if he had not done what he did, would there be a path of liberation for us to follow?

This is a serious question. My own opinion is that there would be a path, but that the one who brought it to the world for the world's salvation would have been no different than Prince Gautama. By this I mean he would have had to be a person who clearly saw the result that comes from the cause and he would have realized that the worldly life offered no hope of peace or freedom from suffering. He would have had to renounce the worldly life to begin his search for the one path of Perfect Liberation, he would have been greatly tempted by the situations and objects around him, and all of his family and friends would have regarded him as crazy. As we look deeply into the world we can see that one cannot separate condemnation by the world from cultivation of the religious life. This is true for a variety of reasons, but one of the simplest is that those who are on the threshold of entering the religious life, particularly those who have no choice in doing so because of Vows made during previous lives (as in the case of this nun) are able to see the world in a much different way than can be seen with ordinary eyes. Ordinary eyes see only the objects that are to be desired or shunned, but clear vision also shows the prices that one pays for this sort of view. For one who has this clear vision, it is as impossible to explain the truth to those who do not yet see as it is impossible to make a person who is blind from birth believe in rainbows. Even if such a person has heard of rainbows or studied worldly science and can easily explain the scientific principles of the origination of rainbows, he can not BELIEVE in the existence of these things. And if one who did see them said that they were going to learn to make rainbows of their own or discussed the different hues of the rainbow directly in front of them, people around them would say, "How can you be so innocent and foolish? You are deluded and crazy." And the more closely they were related to such a person, the more they would be convinced that the one who saw was crazy! Why? Because in the ordinary world people always see what is and what is not in terms of their own experience and limited understanding. And since, in the worldly mind, one's brother or sister cannot have some ability or insight that one does not have oneself, the result is that the one denies the seeing of the other. This is easily understood but difficult to deal with! When this sort of thing happens, those who were closest to the one whose eye have opened become this one's worst enemies. Overnight, the distance between the one who sees and the one who does not see grows by miles and ages. And while strangers will praise this one's cultivation, his family and friends will curse and revile him. If there were no other evidence of the sickness and illusion of the worldly life, this alone should be enough to convince you that there is no way that one who sees can stay at home and still cultivate the Way.

This is why the Ancient Traditions are still the best way. Once we have discovered that we are Buddhists, and that this has nothing to do with the level or length of our ordination or whether we have taken the Precepts in this life or in a previous one, then we also sadly discover that outside of the company of those with similar understanding we are unable to find even a moment's peace. This is why the Sangha was formed--so that those who were developing clear vision could have the company of others who were also like this. Only when you are free of the pressure to return to worldly blindness, from the demand for you to again close your eyes and stumble blindly in the darkness like others, can you be said to be following Right Livelihood. To those who have opened their eyes even for an instant, the world can never be the same again. Even if they spent every moment of every day trying to convince themselves that what they saw was the illusion and their blindness the reality, they would not succeed in this. Ultimately such persons really would go crazy because, having tasted the truth, the taste of lies becomes a poison that drives one to insanity. Monks and Nuns of today are not much different than those of the ancient times, and while the worldly life seems to have changed much, its fundamental nature is still the same. Only individual circumstances seem to have changed, but even this is not certain.

For those of us who have taken the Vows in this or previous lives, there is a necessity to cultivate the Way. Even if we are weak from time to time and attempt to find some sort of worldly life that is meaningful, in our hearts we know that this is folly and that we are really beyond the point of making choices. Having once opened even a small corner of one eye, our Buddha Nature will keep us from forgetting that we have once seen reality and that we must return to it. In this sense, we are born with what in common terms is called a 'Vocation,' and this vocation is nothing else than religious cultivation and the spreading of the Dharma. Perhaps at certain times we will be unable to avoid performing some task in the world of business in order to supply our daily needs. Most lands do not have the tradition of monks with bowls and therefore other expedients must be found. But these occupations are not and must not be confused with the real purpose of daily living. For a monk or nun, this purpose is clearly to be in accord with the ancient teachings and to work diligently for the saving of all living beings. If we attempt to do less than this or to 'forget' that this is our only real obligation, we must be prepared to pay a karmic price that is truly horrible to contemplate. Ten thousand eons in the hottest hell will seem like a vacation compared to this! And why will this occur? Because our real self will realize that we have thrown away an opportunity it has worked for countless lives to make available to us in this present life!

Soon, I hope, the young nun I spoke of will realize that she is not crazy, but rather quite sane. It is the rest of the world that is crazy and if she attempts to return to this blinded existence she will really be crazy. But she is not alone in having to go through this. Speaking for myself, there was a time when I realized that I was a monk and that I had no real choice but to be a monk. But because I had spent years living a worldly existence, I thought it would be possible to be only 'half' a monk--to cultivate the Way part of the time and devote the rest of the day to trying to achieve worldly success. I was even able to justify this effort by saying to myself that I would use this success as the means to help me and others to cultivate the Way after I had become this 'successful person.' Of course, I was aided in making this sort of 'compromise' by the demands of friends and family and the common world around me. Thus, I tried to live both lives, the worldly one and the life of the Way. This was a sad mistake! I could do neither well and created much suffering in the attempt. My family suffered because I held out the promise of worldly success and failed. Likewise they suffered because in my failings I was made to suffer and in seeing me they were caused even more suffering. My teachers were made to suffer because they could see the results of my folly and could do nothing to help me; they also saw the karma that I was creating and, because they were compassionate, this caused them to suffer for me. And in my own self there was suffering: suffering as a monk who had begun to fall from the Way, suffering from the hurt that my actions inflicted on others, and suffering from the realization of the karmic debt I would have to pay for my folly. It would have been better for me never to have taken the Vows than to have made this decision, because, while it is easy to understand and forgive things done in ignorance, how can it be the same for things done when you really do know better?

Fortunately I was awakened from my folly by a Bodhisattva who saw that I needed to be shaken from my dreamlife and perhaps kicked in the seat of the pants too. When this occurred, I laughed and cried, cried and laughed. And learned a lesson on living the Way that I hopefully can share with my students. You who read these lectures either have taken the Vows of the Order or are a householder who, by upholding the Five Precepts, supports the life of one who has taken the Vows. Each of you has spoken to me of your own life, and in some ways each of you is presently working on this very problem. The Nun is not alone in her question, nor is she the only one of us that has doubted their sanity! Whether we admit it or not, each of us who travels the Way has asked the question, "Am I crazy?" and each of us must decide the answer. Prince Gautama asked this question; Bodhidharma asked this question; Dogen asked this question; Kuei Shan asked this question; Lung Yen asked this question; indeed, the asking of this question cannot be separated from truly entering the Way. If this question were not there to be asked, there would be no Way to enter, no cycle of birth and death to be freed from, no suffering living beings to be saved and awakened. Only monks and nuns of the highest potential ability and the beginnings of the keenest Eye of the Way dare to ask this question. Those who do not ask it are just wooden dummies dressed in the robes of the Order like a window display in a shop. They have no active principle and cannot even begin to understand the Ancient Doctrine, because understanding the Ancient Doctrine begins with asking ourselves or being asked by others (or perhaps both):

ARE YOU CRAZY?

When this happens we can then turn our vision inward and see ourselves clearly. And we must not rest with this question but must ask the second one which clarifies the first: Is there anything that I could be doing that would be or is more important than freeing myself and others from the Nets of Karma and the Cycles of Suffering? And further: Is there any way of living that can approach the daily life of one who is in accord with the Ancient Principles? Can the life of a pure-eyed follower of the Way be compared with the ordinary life and its constant confusion? Can any purpose be more noble than the Bodhisattva Vow and Path? All of these are really the same questions asked in different ways, from different viewpoints, but the answer for this question is one thing for those who can see, have seen, and know they will see again, but another for those who have not yet seen and have no idea that there is something to be seen. How then can the clear-eyed monk or nun discuss this with worldly people? He/she can not. . there is nothing that we could say that would make any sense to those who asked, and the more we attempt to explain it to them the more they become confused and angry at us. This is not helpful to them and so should be avoided. How then can the follower of the Way answer such questions? When one says to me, "You there, are you crazy?", my answer is to softly say, "No, not any more..." and quietly leave such a one to his own thoughts. Either he will understand or he will not. If he really understands, he will offer you three bows; if he does not understand, he may send after you three curses. But being one who made such an answer, you are free to allow both of these unimportant matters to pass you by and continue with your journey. This is the Ancient Way; how can it be improved?

As your teacher, I have said all that can be said on this subject. Now each of you must put on your robes and take up your residence on the Dharma Mountain. It does not matter if this mountain is 3000 miles from where you now stand like a lost child; you will not know peace or rest until you are able to sleep under the watchful eye of your Dharma parents, the Buddha, and your Master. Like young children away from home, how can you feel safe unless you are wrapped in the familiar robes of the Order? And even if you do not own a kesa, your robes are there before you to be wrapped over your left shoulder. How can I say this? Because I have seen each of you carrying them with you everywhere you go! If you do not understand this, open your own eyes and see for yourself. Then you will know without a single doubt that neither of us is crazy. If you can't yet see this far, then follow my voice one more step and surely you will begin to see the light!

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